Wondering......

Well I am just sitting here wondering about what might and might not happen. I have tonight off of work and therefore I am up and running full steam ahead while my family is all upstairs sleeping. I just can't sleep. Oh well. Anyhow so I am sitting here thinking about my upcoming cycle wondering if it is going to work or not. Will the medications do what they are supposed to do? Will I be able to get enough rest while I am going through with this procedure? Who knows. It is horrible. All of this wonder and I still wont know for about 6 weeks or so. I am happy to be starting a new cycle but worried as well. After the loss of my baby last time....I know I know I have to get those bad thoughts out of my little brain! It is just so easy to slip back to the time of finding out that I was preggo and then the loss was so unreal. I should have my little baby in my arms this month. My due date came and went. It is so hard to even think about. I know all of the stupid stuff that people say to you...it was for the best....there was something wrong with the baby....it will happen at the right time.....blah blah blah. They don't understand. They really don't. How could they? I know that they are just trying to be helpful and all but sometimes I just want to scream at them and chew them up.... I am trying to refocus and have a good, positive mental attitude. That is what I need right now anyhow....